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| March 5th |
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After trying for over six years and thinking that it was not meant to be I find out I am pregnant, after 3 home pregnancy tests and a trip to the doctor!! Needless to say we were shocked and thrilled!! |
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| spring & summer 2006 |
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We were so excited about having a baby. At first we were only going to tell our parents until I had my first visit with the ob but we were so excited that within a week EVERYONE new.
At my first ob appointment she did a scan and there was my little peanut. We were in awe. The doctor told us everything looked perfect but because of my age, 36, she wanted a level II ultrasound done in a few weeks.
My husband was with me at every appointment, enjoying every minute. In mid June we went for the Level II, she said all was fine but the baby was moving so much she could not get a good view of the heart and could not tell the sex and wanted us to come back in month.
We went back in July and the test was successful, she was able to check the heart and everything was fine and she was 99% sure that we were having a boy!! Bryan was beaming with fatherly pride. We stopped by the store and bought a few things and then headed home to get the nursery finished.
All of our other appointments and tests went perfectly and by the time I entered the last part of my 6th month I was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief and just enjoy being pregnant. I was glowing!!
By the first of August I was starting to feel short of breath and a lot of pressure in my stomach, after being told everything was fine I just figured it was my last trimester and things were going to start getting harder as the baby grew.
The week before I ended up in the hospital it seemed like my stomach was growing really fast. My husband came in from work, looked at my belly and said, "are they sure you can't be having twins, you are getting big fast!" I told him that after all of the ultrasounds I had they were sure it was only one. and then we had a laugh and went on about the day.
Little did we know that it was Matthew gaining a lot of fluid and so was I.
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| August 18, 2006 |
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It started out as just a normal visit to the OB and then she asked how I was feeling with a disturbing look on her face. I said I was feeling ok, just a little tired and swollen. My husband told her I had been like this for a week and she told him that I was very sick and would be going straight to the hospital. From there my thoughts just started to swirl. The Dr. said my blood pressure was too high and I had too much protein in my urine, I was in heart failure. I was not too worried, this happens, and the problem was with me not my baby. I figured with bed rest everything was going to be fine. Within an hour they took an ultrasound and when my Dr. came back in I knew something was wrong. She said the baby had significant heart problems and fluid around his heart, abdomen and groin and that the problems with him was what was making me sick. I went into a total fog for the next few days. How could this be, two weeks ago everything was fine. I had had several ultrasounds, the last one 4 weeks earlier, they showed nothing abnormal. I was sent to another hospital that was better equipped to handle a 29 weeker. There I was informed Matthew had a condition called Non-Immune Hydrops and they were running tons of tests to find out the cause. Matthew was born 5 days latter at 4lbs 13 oz and 16 1/2" long. He went into the nicu and was very critical for the next two weeks and then he seemed to start to recover, we were all very hopeful that he had turned the corner and was getting better. Matthew's Doctor and Nurses were incredible, we could not have had any better. In late October Matthew's abdomen started swelling again, he was filling with fluid. The Doctor ran more tests with still no definite answer. The cause for Hydrops would not be found for another 4 months. We spent 3 1/2 months in the nicu and then our dr. suggested we go to Texas Childrens for further testing. We spent 6 weeks at TCH and hundreds of tests were done with the end result being that Matthew had a very rare mitochondrial disease and it was shutting down all of his organs because the food he needed for life was also turning into toxin in his body. He fought so hard for 4 1/2 months and brought so much happiness and love into our lives. He went to Heaven on January 12, 2007. There were times when he was a couple of months old that he was very alert and happy and it is those times that we will cherish forever. He had a very special spirit that radiated from him and I guess he was just to special and perfect to have to stay here, so God took him home. Our lives will never be the same after being touched by our Angel Matthew. |
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| August 23, 2006 |
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The best day of our lives, our Matthew came into the world. He came into this world very sick but a fighter. He gave us many beautiful memories over the next 4 months. He made us parents and better people. We were so blessed with this special little boy who has forever changed us and left a lasting impression on everyone who came in contact with him. |
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| January 10 & 11, 2007 |
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Matthew had a second liver biopsy. The first was done months earlier in Tulsa. The Doctor in Houston wanted to take another one to see how the liver had changed. Looking back, I know that she already new what the answer was going to be but she wanted to do everything possible. We got the results of the test on the 10th and it was the news I had been dreading to hear. His liver was completely damaged. The doctor said instead of it being like a sponge it was like a rock. We had been told weeks earlier that a liver transplant was not an option because of the type of disease he had and besides that he was too small. So this news meant that everything had been done, but nothing could help him. Deep down on some level I had to know this was coming because he was so sick. He was very jaundiced, retaining fluid in his abdomen and face, kidney's were shutting down and he was on the max settings on the ventilator. He no longer looked like my sweet little boy. But as his mom I just couldn't accept that after all of the fighting he had done since birth and the recovery he had made that we were going to loose him, it just didn't seem possible. Dr. Karpen, was really great and stayed with us through it all. She explained to us how all of this was affecting Matthew. It finally sunk in that the reason he had to keep getting blood and platelets every few hours was because his liver could no longer function and his body was loosing its ability to clot. Dr. Karpen explained what he would go through if we continued treatment. It was at that point that we, as his parents, had to make the decision to let him go, he was just suffering and I could no longer allow that, he had fought long enough. Bryan and I called our families and gave them the news so they could have time to drive to Houston to be with us. Bryan and I spent the rest of the time with our Matthew, just trying to prepare for had to be done. It is a decision that no parent should ever have to make. |
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| January 12, 2007 |
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Most of my family arrived around 3 am. We had told the nicu staff that we had family coming so they made arrangements for all of us to go be with Matthew. We spent our time with him. He woke up two times that day once with me and his daddy and we kissed him and talked with him telling him how much we loved him and how proud we were of him. Then he awoke the last time around 5am when my mom and I were with him. I was so happy that he woke up while she was there, he was able to say goodbye to his grandma. His morning blood work was done and Dr. Karpen informed us that his ammonia level had risen a lot and he was now in a coma. I had known something had happened because he no longer responded to my voice or my touch. The rest of my family arrived around 12 pm and we all joined together for support and reassurance. We all went in and my family spent their final time with Matthew. Once the vent was removed he never took a breath, he laid in my arms until he left to go into Jesus' arms. I carried him for those months inside me, he was a part of me, heart and soul, and I was going to hold him as he left. He went home to heaven at 5:47 pm, fifteen minutes after being removed from the support. The hardest thing I have ever done in my life was to have to leave him. But our Doctor, being the caring and special person that she is, said that she would take him instead of me having to place him in the transport. That brought me to tears, for some reason it was much easier for me to hand Matthew to her and let her take him out than it would have been for me to put him a bed and walk away. When my husband and I left the room the nurses came to us and said they would take care of Matthew and take him downstairs. I looked at them and said that Dr. Karpen had already taken him a few minutes ago, they looked so strange and then started making phone calls downstairs to let them know she was coming. It was at that point that I realized it was not normal procedure for the doctor to do this so it meant even more to me that she carried Matthew all the way down there and never left him, just as she promised me. She will always have a special place in my heart for that.
We left that hospital without our child and without a large piece of our heart. We are forever changed. But we were very blessed to have been chosen to be Matthew's parents, he was a truly beautiful little boy with the beauty of his spirit shining in his eyes. We will love him always and cherish every memory. |
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